*`//; A Multitude of Casualties ;//`*

' LOVE ME ; HATE MEY

- I`m a sucker for anything acoustic.
- Sarcastic, Fickle-minded, Beautifully Broken.
- FAMOUS LAST WORDS ; Behind EVERY BITCH there is a guy who made her that way.
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' Wednesday, July 09, 2008 '12:11 PMY

*` Tales Told By Dead Friends

- constant feelings of sadness, irritability, or tension
- decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities or hobbies
- loss of energy, feeling tired despite lack of activity
- a change in appetite, with significant weight loss or weight gain
- a change in sleeping patterns, such as difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much
- restlessness or feeling slowed down
- decreased ability to make decisions or concentrate
- feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or guilt
- thoughts of suicide or death

Out of the 9 symptoms above, i have at least 5 of them. How many do YOU have? To be honest, i don`t think i`m depressed or whatever, but lately i`ve been having some difficulties. I hope this is just another "phrase" i`m going through, and it`ll eventually go away. I mean, it`s not like no one loves me right? I still have friends (who are all overseas) and my family loves me?? Right, i am so not alone.

I`m not suicidal mind you, of course i`ve thought about it but i never have and never will have the courage to just do it. The main reason is that i just can`t leave my lil brother. He`s really the best thing that has ever happened to me and seeing him come home from school really makes my day. He`s really... amazing.

The reason i talked about this is not to be dramatic or whatever, but just to tell whoever`s reading that depression is a serious issue and cannot be taken lightly. If you have friends who have talked to you about this, you must listen. Who knows, you might be able to save their lives. You know the song "How to Save a Life"? Listen to it. Just because you think they`re irritating, you might just regret what you didn`t do or what you could`ve done. I think that feeling of what could`ve been stays with you forever.

Alright, i`m sure this is nothing. After all, i still love my food, and i haven`t lost any interest in football. If any of these happens, i`ll have to seek some help. Till then, i`ll just listen to more music, and spend more time with my family. :)

Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn`t happened, a whole set of things never would have either? Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again. Don`t ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever. I`m scared actually to be talking about these kinda things, but i know my body and it`s not working properly at the moment. So i`ll get through this i`m sure.

Change is a funny thing. We are never quite sure what we are becoming, or why. Then, one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got there. How did i get here, who am i? Why am i talking this thing that i never even gave a shit about last time because i thought i`ll always be happy? Moving on is a process. You have to promise yourself that you`re ready to let go.

Too often we don`t realize what we have until it`s gone. Too often we wait too late to say "I`m sorry .. I was wrong." Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones who are closest to our hearts & allow foolish things to tear us apart. I still have dreams and things i want to achieve. I want to be successful, i want a beautiful family. I want all those things, so i can`t be depressed right? I just can`t. I don't want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can't think again. Not ever again.

I don't want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can't think again. Not ever again. I don`t know if you`ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. And when you wake up, everything will be okay. Or just not exist. Or just not to be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid and scary, but sometimes these thoughts do cross my mind. And when it does, i`m scared. I`m scared to think that what i could do and what could happen. That`s why i`m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment who will you be? Will you let down your defenses and find solace in someone unexpected? Will you reach out? Will you face your greatest fears bravely or move forward with faith? Or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul?

It`s okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one`s around
You know that I`ll catch you when you`re falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you`ll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

YELLOWCARD - Empty Apartment

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